Monday, March 3, 2014

Welcome everyone. I just want to start off by saying that this journal is mainly for my use-I am not trying to invoke sympathy or endorse any sort of weight loss program. This is a therapeutic outlet for me to share my new journey with weight loss.

I started this blog about 3 years ago, when I was 63 pounds into an eventual 118 lb weight loss using Weight Watchers. I eventually went from weighing 304.4 pounds to 188.4 pounds in a little over 2 years. I was ecstatic. I went from a size 26/28 pant to a size 12. Everything was wonderful. And then life got in the way. I got a new and incredibly demanding job, involving an emotionally abusive boss and terrible work environment. Fast forward to March 2014, and here I am. I've gained back 82 pounds of the 118 I lost the first time around. A lot of things have changed in the meantime, not just my weight. I moved to a new city. I have a loving boyfriend with whom I share a beautiful home. I lost my job. I lost most of my best friends. I gained a cat. And I gained 82 pounds. 90 if you count the denial. Which is why I've deleted the previous posts and am starting fresh, here and now.

Denial is the only thing that's held me back this long. Denial that I'm no longer fitting into all of the new skinny clothes I bought once I got under 200 lbs. Denial that no one was noticing my weight gain. Denial that it was becoming harder and harder to exert energy in any form (walking up stairs, carrying groceries, etc.). Simply stated, I'm over it. And so here we are.

Wednesday will be my first day back in a Weight Watchers meeting in over a year. I'm excited to start again with a program that brought me so much happiness and success, but there's always that lingering stress and anxiety that comes with facing the harsh realities of one's actions. I hope this journal helps me throughout the process, and that I can look back on it someday with pride, remembering the first footsteps toward the final, permanent me.

"The only thing harder than doing it the first time, is doing it the second time."